Tuesday, April 4, 2017

10 things you should NOT say to an ALMOST 30yr old


So this week marked the beginning of April - and with April fools day, I was really hoping that the fact that I will be 30 by the end of the week is just one big joke!
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Yea - thought not!

I think you all could take a good stab in the dark and guess that I am not taking it very well... not even a bit, not even slightly - not one fraction of my soul wants this to happen. 
I wanna be in my 20's forever - please and thank you!
I'd almost go as far as saying that I am having a bit of a mid life crisis or a total breakdown if you will...
Did you not notice? 
Personal training, teeth whitening, dieting, new hair, new car... All I need now is a boob job and botox and I will have ticked all of the boxes.

So over the course of the last month or so, any time the subject of this ''special'' birthday has arisen, I have found myself becoming increasingly irritated with the reactions of people upon hearing of my impending leap into my fourth (yes FOURTH) decade.
I decided to document the top ten things that have tipped me over the edge to give you all a  heads up...
 Lets call this post a "forewarning" to those that will be in my company over the next week
(and possibly the next 10 years...) approach with caution - if you say one of these, I cannot be held responsible for my actions, you have been warned!

Disclaimer: I won't actually injure you physically, but just know that I will be mentally planning your death... 



10 things you should NOT say to an 'almost' 30 year old

1. "I can't believe you are coming 30, I thought you were only 24"
Thanks for that Shiela! I have only spent the last 6 years dreaming of being 24 again but thank you for pointing out that I am now considerably older but possibly AS immature!

2. "Oh my god I didn't think you were THAT age"
Well what age did you fricking think I was? 9??

3. "Aw but you look great for it"
I'm sorry... what now??? How exactly am I supposed to look at 30? I'm guessing that by your logic, I should be grey haired and wrinkled by now. Thanks hun!

4. "You're half way to 60"
Yea and a quarter way to 120... A+ for the maths genius over here in the corner! 

5. "Time to settle down"
Says who? Your prehistoric stereotypical calendar of life?

6. "Your biological clock is ticking"
Nah love, mine ran out of batteries!

7. "When are you getting married"
Whats it to you? You won't be invited!

8. "If you take turning thirty badly then you will be fine at 40"
Aye cause thats helpful... Im just here freaking out about turning thirty and you are making me think about turning 40???? Perfect solution to my problem! Cheers!

9. "30 is still young!"
Yea to a 90 year old... 

10. "I wish I was 30 again"
Well I wish I was a millionaire lying on a beach in the Bahamas but we can't always get what we want can we?

So yea... all you philosophisers - maybe, just maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself for the next month or so or at least give me time to mourn my 20's - I think a three month grieving period should suffice... And if you are looking for me in the mean time, I will be the one in the black veil, hiding in the corner crying over a tub of Ben and Jerrys! 
Nicola x



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